i hate school. i’ve always hated it. why do we learn things, like trig, that we will never use in real life? if i become a cosmotologist, will i ever need to know that a^2 + b^2= c^2? hellllllz no. but i have to waste 8 hours of my life every week day learning this stuff. really? ew.
so i’m in drumline. and i swear, if i wasnt in band, i’d be in a mental hospital right now. but even though i’ve been in drumline for 3 years now, i still feel like i don’t belong. yes, i try my hardest to fit in and be nice to everyone, but i still dont belong. i dont know. it’s just like…why don’t i matter? yeah i’ve considered quitting. but i can’t imagine myself not being in band. whatever. it’s just something that i’ve got to deal with.
i’m basically making tumblr my diary. not some ohmygod look at me and how artistic and deep and thoughtful i am. just need an outlet for everything. hahaha like anyone cares. so it’s fun to type posts to myself. yipee.
one thing that i absoultely cannot stand is how girls are today. totally obsessed with tanning, the perfect body, shopping, and the “pose” for pictures. yes, a lot of times i worry about my pale skin, my weight, and even the clothes i wear (even though i have so many that they all dont fit in my closet). but i hate that if i’m not tan, don’t have the perfect body, and my clothes aren’t right, then i don’t matter; like i’m almost average. what really bothers me is that my little 7 year old sister even worries about make-up (sort of). she loves to put whatever make-up she can on when she can get her hands on mine. my other little sister actually could care less about how she looks, and i hope she stays that way. i don’t want them growing up, having to worry about their appearance. i just want them to enjoy life. i honestly spend too much time worrying about how i look, or how other people see me that it’s hard to enjoy myself. i just wish that the world were different.
pretty sure really no one knows this about me (except muh family). i absolutely positively totally love make-up. if i could, i would spend all my money on it, mostly beauty stuff in general. im obsessed. prolly when im older & i have a job…i’ll blow my money on it. i try not to spend too much because honestly, my hair & skin are perfectly fine. but its like…i’m not sure. its just some obsession. sadly i am a material person, but thats only when it comes to ME buying things for ME. when i get gifts from people or if i give gifts, i love it if alot of thought was put into it, and it means something special. i feel selfish sometimes if i get to concerned about the way i look, but its just honestly the way i am. i spend 2 hours getting ready in the morning for going to school (shower, blow dry, make-up, hair). its pathetic but if i’m happy with it, then i’m gunna do it. sometimes i skimp & just dry shampoo & makeup so that takes an hour-ish. i love watching youtube videos from the make-up gurus.
hahahahaha no one will read this. but maybe someone in the tumblr world cares about me :’)